"true love does not come by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly"
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Tuesday, March 3, 2009

boy

seseorng meninggalkan komen pada entry aku yg sebelum ini; two-sided..!

orngnya tidak kukenali, hnya ada nama 'me & myself' dan gmbr kecil yg tdk jelas tletak di sebelah namanya itu..

komennya bertanyakan tntng perihal diriku yg menyamar dan takut utk keluar scr terbuka dgn identiti sebenar dan tidak mnyembunyikan status ku sbg seorng gay..!

dia mempertikaikan knapa aku prlu takut utk mengaku n btrus trng kepada smua tntang status aku.. aku beranggapan mungkin dia blum mmbaca kseluruhan blog aku; dr entry yg ptama hinggalah skrng!

krana itu dia btanya.. atau jg, mungkin dia tlah mmbaca smuanya, ttpi dia mmbandingkan diriku dgn dirinya!

ya, dia mgatakan yg dirinya adalah gay yg baru berumur 19thun. ttapi dia scara tbuka mengaku tentng statusnya itu di luar sana.. malah thadap family nya...!

wow! aku tgamam membaca komennya..! rasa kagum pun ada! malah dia bkata yg dia tlah puas dikutuk oleh orng di sekeliling dia, tmasuk family dia! aku benar2 tidak sngka, ada lelaki gay melayu di luar sana yg secara bterus terng mengakui tentang status songsang ini!

malah, termasuk dihadapan family sendiri..! tambahan lagi, br berusia 19 tahun.. aku kagum dan terkejut! dia pasti seorng yg interesting, berani dan tabah!

aku reply komennya itu, dan rs kagum dan ingin tahu aku yg berterusan membuatkan aku tergerak utk membuka blog nya..!

'ketulusan hati'

itulah tajuk blognya. membaca tajuk itu saja telah mmbuatkan rs kagum dan ingin tahu aku membuak2.. pastinya dia ini seorng yg jujur thadap diri sendiri dan perasaannya.. aku mula dpt rasakan itu..!

namanya adalah ismail, tp lebih selesa dipanggil boy.. maka dr sini, aku juga ingin memanggilmu sbg boy! salam perkenalan dr aku kiranya kau membaca entry ku yg ku tujukan khas utk kau..

krana, blognya juga adalah baru, baru dimulakan pada disember 2008; maka aku mngambil kputusan utk mmbaca keseluruhan blog itu.. aku bmula dr 1st entry sehinggalah yg paling latest..!

rupa2 nya blognya itu adalah ditujukan khas utk merekodkan keseronokkan dan kebahagiannya bercinta dgn lelaki yg paling disayanginya... mulanya aku berasa jealous dan iri hati thadap apa yg dimilikinya..

dia mndapat cinta dr seorng lelaki yg digelarnya D. bahagia dan gembira, itu yg dpt aku jelaskan tntang hubungan mreka.. aku dpt mengagak tentang kebenaran itu..! malngnya, semakin lm aku mmbaca, rupa2nya; hubungan itu tlah tidak ada lagi..!

kepada smua, bcalah blog dia kiranya ingin tahu lebih lanjut!

kepada boy, aku bersimpati dgn mu..! tetapi pd pendapat aku, kau seharusnya bersyukur kerana pernah mendapat cinta yg luhur dan ikhlas dr seorng lelaki yg sgt menyanyangi mu.. dan aku pasti, D sebenarnya masih syng n cintakan boy!

apa yg dia lakukan skrng, adalah krana dia mahu boy membenci dia; supaya boy bleh mencari kbahagiaan dgn orng lain..!

aku bukanlah orng yg berpengalaman utk memberikan nasihat kpd boy, tp pd aku; jgnlah berhenti dr mencintai dia.. cinta dan kasih syng drpd D itu, adalah sgt suci! biarlah dia dgn orng lain, dan biarlah boy juga mnemui orng lain...

tp jgn sesekali berhenti mencintai dia.. aku tdk tahu knapa, tp itu pendapat aku!

dan lg satu boy, tentang keberanianmu mengakui statusmu scara terbuka di luar sana, amat aku kagumi.. malah boy boleh bcerita perihal D kepada bonda mu..! sesuatu yg mustahil utk aku lakukan..!

aku benar2 kagum pd mu, seorng insan istimewa yg dikenali sbg boy..!

13 comments:

Ejay said...

been there, done that.

my advice...
first, don't deny ur true self. the rest you'll know what to do. trust me!

regards,
ejay

me & myself said...

omg!!!!!

shah...sorry sebab same kan diri ku ini ngn diri shah...x de niat di hati pun nk samekan kite berdua...

mmg btul boy dah puas n penat telinga nih dengar kutukan orang...even dari family sendiri...

thanks a lot for this entry...i'll appriciate it!!!!

walaupun songsang cinta boy...tp boy bg sepenuhnya cinta x kire sape lelaki yg muncul dlm diri boy...

shah said...

Ejay >
thanks for the advise jay..
i still dont hv the courage to exposed my real self la...
may be some day..
but not so soon..!

probably, i need to meet, talk and hang out with people like me.. i mean like us n the others..

i need to gather all my mental strength first..!


me & myself >
boy, xpe.. shah xkisah pn jika dibanding2 kan..

mmng hakikatnya shah nie pengecut krn tdk brani mengakui tntng status dr sendiri...
sbb tu la shah kagum dgn boy n orng2 lain yg brni mengaku tntng status dr sbg gay..!

shah sedar rupa2nya ramai lg di luar sana yg hidup scr terbuka..!

shah nie je yg masih duduk sembunyi!

just hoping that one day i come out as myself..!

linda said...

Hai nice to know u....sy dah fllow blog awk...kt tkar2 nk? sila2 la msuk blog sy...tQ;D

me & myself said...

shah...

by hook or by crook..
you have to be urself...
jgn disebabkn nk dedahkan identiti gay...shah lak yg merana...

mungkin ade baeknyer shah x dedahkan....
bukan sume orang yg open...
but i really appriciate wht did you do for me...

seriously make my tears drop my dear when i read it!!!!

Ejaylicious said...

Mmm...kesukaran melafazkan...

shah said...

linda >
hi.. nice to know u too, linda..
thanks for following my blog...
berkunjung la selalu yer..!

nway, i'll take a look at ur blog n will become ur follower..!

not a problem at all!


me & myself >
hi boy..
xde la.. shah mmng xbersedia lg utk come out..
biarla shah mcm nie..
shah pasti tau klo shah dah bsedia..!

lg satu, bukan niat shah nak buat boy terharu ke apa...
just expressing my rasa kagum!

that's all!


Ejaylicious >
the 2nd ejay commenting on my blog.. hehehe

memang.. tiada bahasa dpt menterjemahkan!

||| PöJìé PööH ||| said...

erm, life is sooo complicated..
but just being whatever u want, whoever u r..
but u must remain u..

shah said...

thanks for ur advise pojie pooh..!

really appreciated..!

i'll remain myself.. i believed that..!

nice knowing u..!

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
shah said...

(the comment above was deleted as requested by the sender: it was published only to mark that someone had commented)

thanks j..

hahaha.. should i called u j instead of anonymous..?

or should i address as ur name..?

i published n immediately delete ur comments.. i published just to leave marked that someone commented but prefer not to let other read his comments...

specially wrote and addressed to me..!

thanks again..!

ya.. i guess u're right..!

sometimes people are lucky..!

things surrounding as may not be the same to the others who had came out..!

u are absolutely right..!

shah said...

(the comment above was deleted as requested by the sender: it was published only to mark that someone had commented)

thanks j..

hahaha.. should i called u j instead of anonymous..?

or should i address as ur name..?

i published n immediately delete ur comments.. i published just to leave marked that someone commented but prefer not to let other read his comments...

specially wrote and addressed to me..!

thanks again..!

ya.. i guess u're right..!

sometimes people are lucky..!

things surrounding as may not be the same to the others who had came out..!

u are absolutely right..!

Anonymous said...

Thank u ;-) take a look this emo boy one at this blog:
http://www.emo--boys.info